Another lonely night...on my own...

Here I am waiting for sleep to take hold of me...I decided to take something to help so I don't cry all night again.Just another lonely night...on my own...while the ghost of what could have been taunts me. I don't know what to do to rid myself of this dead feeling that invades me throughout the day and night and elicits my tears repeatedly. I feel numb...yet I sob with body wrenching tears that don't stop but for a few minutes here & there.
How could he forgive me for saying what I did? Although he had hurt me to the very essence of me by discarding the work I had done for our joint venture of a brilliant website! And when I tried to go through the same company that he used so that I could make a website that I wanted to blow him away with! But he said I was stealing his website after stealing his Twitter followers. All I wanted was for the company to be so successful & hopefully appeal to everyone throughout the world. We were supposed to be partners, and I really wanted him to be successful so he could provide a brilliant legacy for his son, who is just starting college.
I guess he got what he seemed to want all along...he got rid of me! The thing is I would never have left him because I fell deeply in love with my crazy Canadian that affected me in so many ways that I walked around with a silly grin on my face. I would have married him so we could both reside here and help him become a US citizen. And everything he told me about his life will remain in confidence till the day I die. I promised I wouldn't tell anything& that's that!
I hope he finds happiness, which he didn't want to enjoy with me. He hurt me everytime we got close. I care about the bad things that happened to him and wished I could have taken them away, but that's impossible.. I hate what it all did to him because I saw the tender nice man underneath all the pain & fell wildly in love with him!
I hope he is able to see his son soon because I know he misses him terribly.He seems to be a fine young man...much like his Dad, I'd say.
I hope his website goes viral...globally as he wishes...I thought it would be both of us, but... I want it to be a brilliant legacy for his son.
I wish you ultimate success...I didn't mean to fuss at him, but i didn't know what to do. I promised I would never leave you, and I won't! I will always be beside you in spirit since you don't want me in real life.And I'll always miss our all night chats...and I will remain there with him as Lady Luck forever.
I'll never let the USA forget your Heroes Highway...as long as I can write, it will stay in my heart. And so will you. You will always be NS to me & I'll always be MM...kkk, my love.